Photo Source: AP

Satirical Press International: At a White House news conference, Navy Doctor Ronny Jackson, who performed President Trump’s 2018 physical, finishes up his detailed prepared remarks about the President’s physical results:

Jackson: “….his fasting blood glucose was 89, and his liver enzymes were 27 and 19, both normal, and his urine was clear. With that, I’ll take questions.”

(all hands up in the press room. Dr. Jackson points to Dana Bash of CNN)

Bash: “Dr. Jackson, you said the President’s fasting glucose was 89, within the normal. How long did the President fast before the exam?”

Jackson: “Several hours–his last food was the night before.”

Bash: “Do you know what his glucose was before becoming President and is there any way that number could have been managed?”

Jackson: “I don’t know what it was, and 89 is a very good number. Diabetes is not a risk with this President. Next?”

Wolf Blitzer of CNN: “You said his heart rate was 68. Is that correct?”

Jackson: “Roger that.”

Blitzer: “Was the President agitated when you measured his heart rate? Was he watching Fox News or MSNBC? Do you think what he was watching could impact his heart rate? Did you take his pulse more than once?”

Jackson: “Wolf, I’m not sure which of these questions you’d like me to answer. The President was not watching TV during the exam. We don’t have TVs in the examination room.”

Blitzer: “Could he have been watching TV on his phone? Was he Tweeting at the time?”

Jackson: “No, the President was not using his phone during the exam. He was talking to me.”

Lester Holt of NBC: “Dr. Jackson, were these physical results independently corroborated?”

Jackson: “What do you mean?”

Holt: “Did someone else verify the results?”

Jackson: “Well, there was a nurse in the room at times.”

Holt: “Is she a Republican or Democrat? Was there a Democrat present to verify what you say is true?”

Jackson: “I’m a doctor, Mr. Holt. I am a professional and am not hired to make anyone look good or bad.”

Sean Hannity of Fox News: “Dr. Jackson, in your expert opinion, it sounds like you’d say that President Trump is in excellent health, a model of health in fact for a 71 year old man?”

Jackson: “Yes, President Trump appears to have great genes, and he also benefits from a life without alcohol or tobacco.”

Joe Scarborough of MSNBC: “Dr. Jackson, what results were not good with the President?”

Jackson: “His cholesterol is elevated at 223, despite taking Crestor to lower it. The President is also a tad overweight.”

(All hands go up. Dr. Jackson! Dr. Jackson! He points to Rachel Maddow of MSNBC)

Maddow: “How much overweight, Dr. Jackson?”

Jackson: “Well, I have advised him to lose about 15 pounds over the next year through diet and exercise.”

Maddow: “Does the President’s habit of eating multiple cheeseburgers, fries and shakes from McDonald’s contribute to this issue?”

Jackson: “We all like McDonald’s, but moderation is the key word here.”

(all hands up. Dr. Jackson! Dr. Jackson!)

Savannah Guthrie of NBC’s Today Show: “Dr. Jackson, with this weight issue and elevated cholesterol, is there anything we should be worried about?”

Jackson: “That depends on your political affiliation.”

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