Jeopardy is a Registered Trademark of Jeopardy Productions, Inc.

 

“[the report of Secretary Tillerson calling Trump a ‘moron’] is fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests, and I can tell you who is going to win”

President Donald Trump, Forbes, October 10, 2017

 

Satirical Press International: On the set for the game show, Jeopardy, the camera shows U.S. President Donald Trump behind a podium with “DJT” in his writing before him.

Announcer: “From Manhattan, New York, via Washington, D.C., a real estate mogul and reality TV show host, the 45th President of the United States, Mr. Donald J. Trump!” (huge applause)

(Trump glares at camera seriously)

Announcer: “And from Dallas, Texas, also via Washington, the former CEO of Exxon Mobile, one of the largest corporations in the world, and current United States Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson!” (very modest applause)

Announcer: “And now, the star of Jeopardy, Mr. Alex Trebek!” (massive applause as Trebek enters the stage)

Trebek: Thanks, Johnny, and welcome tonight to a very special version of Jeopardy! In light of news reports that Secretary Tillerson referred to President Trump as a ‘moron’ and Mr. Trump’s claim to have a higher IQ, the two men have decided to duel wits on this show. Good evening, gentlemen.  Let’s play Jeopardy! Tonight’s categories for are:

Great Walls….

Nuclear War…

Nicknames….

U.S. Presidents….and

Twitter.

Trump: (grinning confidently) “This is going to be great, trust me.”

Trebek: “Mr. Trump, you are The President and will go first.”

Trump: “Give me Great Walls for $200.”

Trebek: “This man-made structure is so large, it’s reputed to be visible from space .”

Trump: “The wall we’re building on the Mexican border. Believe me, Alex, it’ll be a beauty.”

Trebek: “No, sorry, and you need to answer in the form of a question. (Tillerson buzzes). Secretary Tillerson.”

Tillerson: “What is the Great Wall of China?”

Trump (leaning into microphone): “Wrong.”

Trebek: “Correct, Mr. Secretary. Your board.”

Trump: “This game is rigged, just like the election, that I can tell you.”

Tillerson (turning to Trump): “But you won the election, Mr. President. (turning back to the camera) Nuclear War for $1,000 please, Alex.”

Trebek: “And the answer is: a very inadvisable way to end global warming.” (Trump buzzes)

Trump: “There’s no such thing as global warming. It’s Fake News.”

Trebek: “Your answers need to be in the form of a question, Mr. President.”

Trump: “I know all the answers; I don’t need to ask questions.”

Trebek: “These are the rules of the game. General Kelley was supposed to explain them to you. Try again.”

Trump: “Okay. What is: there is no such thing a global warming?”

Trebek: “Sorry, that’s incorrect. You are now at minus $1,200. Mr. Secretary?”

Tillerson: “What is nuclear winter?”

Trebek: “Correct.”

Trump: “Fake news. We’re going to bring back coal, that I can tell you.”

Trebek: “Secretary Tillerson, your pick.”

Tillerson: “Nicknames for $200.”

Trebek: “Rocket Man.”

Trump: “Little Kim Jung Un.”

Trebek: “Needs to be a question, Mr. President.”

Trump: “Who in the hell is Little Kim Jung Un!?”

Trebek: “Correct. Go again.”

Trump: “Nicknames for $1,000.”

Trebek: “This former presidential candidate tells it all in a new book, What Happened?”

Trump: “Who is Crooked HIllary, the worst Secretary of State ever, who deleted more than 30,000 emails?”

Trebek: “Correct again, you’re back to $0, Mr. President. Your turn.”

Trump (turning to Tillerson): “See, I have a big brain, and unlike you, I went to an Ivy League school. (back to the camera). U.S. Presidents for $800.”

Trebek: “He freed the slaves.”

Trump: “Andrew Jackson.”

Trebek: “No, sorry, and it needs to be a question. (Tillerson buzzes) Mr. Secretary?”

Tillerson: “Who is Abraham LIncoln?”

Trebek: “Correct, Your board.”

Trump (glares at Tillerson and leans into the microphone): “Wrong, Fake News.”

Tillerson: “Presidents for $1,000, Alex.”

Trebek: “And the answer is: Kenya.”

Trump: “The birthplace of Barack Obama.”

Trebek: “No, sorry, and you really need to use questions, Mr. President.”

Tillerson: “What is the birthplace of Barack Obama’s father?”

Trebek: “Correct, go again.”

(President Trump makes a big rebound, and by the end of Double Jeopardy, pulls within $200 of Secretary Tillerson.)

Trebek: “Ladies and Gentlemen, that’s the end of Double Jeopardy, and we have quite a game going. Secretary Tillerson has the lead with $12,600, but President Trump has mounted quite a comeback and trails by only $200.”

Trump: “The game is rigged.”

Trebek: “As you know, players, I will reveal the category of Final Jeopardy, after which you privately write down your wager on this answer. You can bet any amount up to your current balance. It is really important that your answer is in the form of a question, Mr. President.”

(Trump glares at Trebek)

Trebek: “And the Final Jeopardy category is: The United States Constitution.”

(Trump tries to hide his concern)

(Secretary Tillerson looks over at President Trump, grins broadly while rubbing his hands together with glee, and writes his wager doing a little jig in the process.)

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