CNN’s bespectacled legal expert, Ashleigh Banfield, on Legal View:

Banfield: “The legal world is in a tizzy this week over putative Republican candidate Donald Trump’s assertion that Federal Judge Gonzalo Curiel is biased against Trump in the Trump University fraud case because he’s Mexican. To discuss this, we have the candidate himself live from San Diego, California. Good morning to you, Mr. Trump.”

Trump: “Hello, Ashley.”

Banfield: “Mr. Trump, why do you say that Judge Curiel is biased against you?”

Trump: “Because he’s a Mexican—which I’m not saying is bad, but we’re going to build a wall not far from here, believe me, a big wall. It’ll make the Great Wall of China look like a picket fence, folks, trust me.”

Banfield: “But Judge Curiel was born in Indiana and went to college and law school at Indiana University. Even people from Illinois admit that Indiana is part of the United States.”

Trump: “You can take the judge out of Mexico but not the Mexico out of the judge. I hear he drinks Corona Beer and eats en-she-la-ta-tas every day. He’s as Mexican as Montezuma’s Revenge and just as upsetting, trust me. I know laws and the legal world—there’s probably no one else in the world who knows more about laws than I do, believe me, I have a big brain.”

Banfield: “So, Mr. Trump, does this mean any judge whose race, religion or gender has been mocked or criticized by you is not fit to preside over any Trump legal case?”

Trump: “Absolutely, having biased media like the sleaze at ABC News is bad enough, but biased judges are intolerable, and I won’t stand for it.”

Banfield: “Mr. Trump, you and your organizations have thousands of lawsuits filed against you every year, correct?”

Trump: “All by a bunch of losers like Hillary Clinton, Crooked Hillary I call her.”

Banfield: “So by denouncing Mexicans, Muslims, the Pope, women, the disabled and others, you would theoretically shrink the pool of potential judges for your cases to white males with no college education.”

Trump: “Don’t forget short people, like Little Marco.”

Banfield: “My apologies. So all that would be left to preside over your cases would be white males with no college education who aren’t short?”

Trump: “That’s correct.”

Banfield: “No judges fit those criteria. Every judge would have to recuse him or herself from your cases…Every case against you would have to be—oh, now I get it.”

If you like this kind of satire, you’ll love Buzz Kill, William Goodspeed’s zany novel about political correctness in corporate America. Check out the reviews here.

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