In CNN’s Situation Room, Wolf Blitzer opens his show with a stunning announcement:

Blitzer: “We have some news breaking today about a new controversy surrounding the Trump campaign. On the heels of the campaign revoking the press pass for the Washington Post for biased reporting, Mr. Trump announced today that he is banning the humor blogger, William Goodspeed, from campaign events. To comment on this, we have Mr. Trump live from Charlotte, North Carolina. Mr. Trump, thank you for joining us.”

Trump: “Of course. The media are a bunch of liars, all of them. We’re not going to take it any more, folks, believe me. Not going to take it. From now on, Goodspeed is no longer welcome at our events, no longer welcome. He can wait in the loser lounge with reporters from the Washington Post, trust me.”

Blitzer: “What has Mr. Goodspeed done to evoke such a response? Has he mischaracterized your campaign or written offensive material? Or does he have a liberal bias? Has he reported on the size of your hands?”

Trump: “All of the above. Total lies. He wrote that I want to disqualify all judges who are not white men. Not true. Just Mexican judges. We’re going to build a wall, folks, a big wall, so big you will be able to see it from the space station, believe me. Immigration is killing America. And maybe disqualify Muslim judges too—until we find out what’s going on. And women.”

Blitzer: “Has he written about the size of your hands?”

Trump: “My staff caught him rifling through my golf bag, trust me.”

Blitzer: “Why? Why would Mr. Goodspeed be interested in your golf bag?”

Trump: “He wanted to measure my golf gloves, but I have no trouble with the size of my gloves, believe me. No trouble.”

Blitzer: “For a response, let’s go to Mr. Goodspeed himself, who is live from Traverse City, Michigan. Good afternoon.”

Goodspeed: “Thanks, Wolf, for having me on the show.”

Blitzer: “You just heard Mr. Trump’s remarks about you. How do you respond?”

Goodspeed: “I think this is just a case of miscommunication—many Trump supporters read my blog and believe I’m making false accusations.”

Blitzer: “Can you give an example?”

Goodspeed: “Sure. On April 1st, I wrote how aliens had replaced Donald Trump for the past year as a prank and trained the robot to say outrageous things, and how they were bringing back the real Trump with their apologies .”

Blitzer: “And you’re now saying this wasn’t true?”

Goodspeed (chuckles): “Yes.”

Blitzer: “How are readers supposed to know it’s not true?”

Goodspeed (barely containing himself): “Isn’t it obvious?”

Blitzer: “Apparently not. What proof do we have it’s not true?”

Goodspeed: “Because he keeps saying outrageous things, even after his body was supposedly returned.”

If you like this kind of satire, you’ll love Buzz Kill, William Goodspeed’s zany novel about political correctness in corporate America. Check out the reviews here.

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