It’s 9 a.m. in New York, and CNN’s beautiful morning anchor, Carol Costello, opens her show:

Costello: Good morning! It’s been quite a few days, culminating in the revealing of a 2005 recording and video of Donald Trump talking about groping women and being irresistible to them. To discuss this, we have a powerful panel this morning: Former Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachman, Dr. Gayle, a sex therapist from New York, and Tommy Ford, president of the Beta Chi fraternity at Western Carolina University. Good morning to all of you.

Group: Good morning, Carol.

Costello: Let’s start with you, Representative Bachman. What do you say about Trump’s 7-Month Itch—-7 months after Mr. Trump married the stunningly beautiful, nice and intelligent Melania, he talks freely about groping women and even used the ‘P’ word.

Bachman: This is another example of liberal media bias—he had been married 8 months.

Costello: Okay, so he got the 8-Month Itch. What do you think about a candidate talking that way?

Bachman: Bill Clinton said far worse on the golf course, and did worse, let’s not forget. Plus, Mr. Trump apologized to ‘anyone who might have been offended by his remarks.’

Costello: Except for you, I think he offended every woman on the planet, including his wonderful wife.

Bachman: No offense, Carol, but you are just speculating now.

Costello: Dr. Gayle, you deal with sex addiction all the time. What do you think of this?

Dr. Gayle: It’s fairly common among about .1% of the male population, and it usually comes from a subconscious desire to compensate for personal shortcomings.

Costello: Like small hands?

Dr. Gayle: A good example, Carol.

Costello: What else do you think, Dr. Gayle?

Dr. Gayle: It’s a little unusual because Mr. Trump was 58 years old at the time—this type of behavior usually burns out with age.

Costello: Interesting.

Dr. Gayle: And what’s kind of impressive is that Everyday Cialis hadn’t been invented yet.

Costello: Very interesting. Tommy, you live in your fraternity in North Carolina. What do you think about this?

Ford: When I first heard it on a local radio station, I got really worried.

Costello: Why?

Ford: Because I thought it might have been one of our freshmen pledges, which would have been totally inappropriate and immature, except maybe the thing about Tic Tacs. I immediately started writing an apology letter to the university in my head.

Costello: What did you think when you learned it was Mr. Trump?

Ford: I was, like, totally relieved, but to be honest, I was shocked that a 58 year old man would talk that way.

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