SPI BLOG – YEAH…THAT HAPPENED!
Satirical Press International: After one of the safest commercial aviation years in history, a Transavia flight was downed by the most unlikely cause: flatulence. On a flight from Dubai to Amsterdam, a young man created a disturbance with his row mates over repeated farts. “It was unGodly horrible,” bemoaned Jan Ver Beek, a Dutch man who sat next to the offender, “I don’t know what he ate in Dubai, but I can tell you that it did not sit well with him.” Another Dutch row mate, Hans De Jong, described the ensuring scene: “We begged him, again and again, to go to the water closet and get rid of the source of the stench. But he just sat there and let them go repeatedly, like he was taunting us.”
Holt: “For the third and final sport, the likely deciding sport, what did you two decide?”
Trump (to Putin): “Would you like to take that one, Mr. President?”
Putin: “Da. We decide on English vocabulary test.”
Holt: “Is that fair, Mr. President?”
Trump: “I went to Wharton and have the best memory in the world (pointing to head). When Vladdy suggested it, I jumped, that I can tell you. It will be very, very interesting, and just think, Crooked Hillary said I couldn’t negotiate.”
The Senator also stated that she carried a gun but did not indicate whether she had earned a Girl Scout merit badge in marksmanship, an important omission in some Scouts’ minds.
In any event, five days after Scout Mayfield’s inquiry, the Cub Scout pack leader in his area gave Ames the boot, saying his questions were too political. “Too political? It was a meeting with a politician, for cryin’ out loud,” commented an alumnus of Ames’ den from the 1980s who wished to remain anonymous for safety reasons, “What the heck-in-a-handbasket did they expect?”
A spokesperson for Senator Marble refused to elaborate on the Senator’s record, except to say: “If customers can force a restaurant in Charlotte to change the name of an offensive dish (‘Border Patrol Scramble’), then by golly, a Cub Scout den should have the right to punish a Scout for arguing against the Second Amendment. I mean, where the heck are we, Germany?”
Kelley: “Absolutamente, Faye, but anyway, the restaurant’s choice of name has stirred some controversy. I’m in Terminal B with a few customers. Let’s ask them (turning to a woman in her mid 20s). Good morning, what’s your name, and what do you think of The Border Patrol Scramble?”
Woman: “My name is Chelsea, and I think it’s terrible.”
Kelley: “Too many jalapenos?”
Chelsea: “No, I won’t eat it. The whole idea is offensive; it’s racist.”
Kelley: “Can you explain?”
Chelsea: “There are millions of illegal immigrants in the U.S. The name reminds them of them of this, which is like emotional assault.”
Kelley: “Some say the dish is a combination of Mexican and Texan, and the name is more appealing than say, ‘The Rio Grande’.”
Chelsea: “It’s insensitive, and the government should ban the restaurant from using the name.”
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