There was big news out of New Hampshire this week: Donald Trump clobbered his Republican rivals to win that state’s primary, the first in the interminable 2016 presidential election. Because I went to college in New Hampshire, live in neighboring Maine and write about political incorrectness (see Buzz Kill, Balboa Press, 2015, described as the funniest business comedy novel of the year), many ask for my insight into the Trump triumph. How can a casino and nightclub owner with vulgar language, orange skin (not that skin color is relevant in today’s society), three bankruptcies, two divorces and the bedside manner of a python win a major primary?
To answer this excellent question, I went to New Hampshire to investigate. There’s nothing like firsthand knowledge, and I quickly found the answer: many voters are a can or two short of a six-pack. Proof came in a New Hampshire parking lot where I found a car window sticker for the Sasquatch Field Research Team (see photo above). It’s beyond belief. I may sound arrogant accusing this car owner of stupidity, but doesn’t everyone know that Sasquatch lives in the Northwest? They will never find Sasquatch in New Hampshire, no matter how hard they look. No wonder everyone’s so frustrated and pissed off.
Donald Trump may be new to politics, but he’s courting Sasquatch enthusiasts brilliantly, and he may take this theme all the way to Pennsylvania Avenue. Poor Jeb Bush just talks about immigration reform, national defense and the economy, topics certain to bore the typical voter. Kasich tries hard too, bringing sound fiscal policies and experience to bear, but he looks like he just rolled out of bed. Unfortunately, bed head doesn’t appeal to primary voters, though it seems to work for Bernie Sanders.
As a final note on the New Hampshire issue, Ted Cruz was temporarily delayed in traveling to South Carolina after being captured and tagged by the Sasquatch Field Research Team outside his NH campaign headquarters.
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