Photo Courtesy of the Associated Press

Satirical News Network: ⇐***Note***

CNN’s beautiful anchor, Carol Costello, opens her show, Newsroom, at 9 a.m.:

Costello: This time of year, Maine is known as Vacationland, home to the Bush family, lobster rolls and beautiful coastline. Vacationland’s late summer bliss was shattered this week by a volatile argument over racism. For a full report, we go to idyllic Bar Harbor with our political correspondent, Pamela Brown. Good morning, Pamela.

Brown: Good morning, Carol, from beautiful Bar Harbor, full of tourists and cruise ships. I’m here with Jacques Sangfroid, the spokesman for Maine Governor, Paul LePage. Good day to you, sir.

Sangfroid: Good morning, Pamela. Welcome to Vacationland!

Brown: Thank you. Well, it’s been quite a week for your boss, Governor LePage. A few days ago, he left a voicemail for a state legislator. Let me read part of it for you:

“I want to talk to you. I want you to prove that I’m a racist. I’ve spent my life helping black people and you little son-of-a-bitch, socialist c&*^sucker. You…I need you to, just friggin. I want you to record this and make it public because I am after you. Thank you.”

What’s your reaction to this?

Sangfroid: It was nice of him to end by saying ‘thank you.’

Brown: What about the expletives and other parts of the message?

Sangfroid: Well, Pamela, any statement can be made to sound bad if you take it out of context.

Brown: What context is that?

Sangfroid: Governor LePage had been called a racist, the worst word ever.

Brown: Apparently, the Governor found some other bad words. How do you respond to charges that the Governor is racist?

Sangfroid: The Governor refuses to be politically correct.

Brown: That’s fair to say. Let me read another quote for you that some have described as racist. In it, he is describing heroin traffickers that he says are 90% black or Hispanic:

“They come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home. Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young white girl before they leave.”

Sangfroid: He’s a very strong person and stands up for what’s right.

Brown: Is that why he said he wished it was 1825 so he could challenge the legislator to a pistol duel?

Sangfroid: He was just making a statement. In the Governor’s mind, it’s not 1825. He knows it’s 1950, um, I mean 2016.

If you like this satire, you’ll love Buzz Kill, an irreverent, hysterical novel about political correctness in corporate America. Check out our reviews here.