Satirical Press International: On the set of The Today Show in New York, Savannah Guthrie introduces a new segment for the program.

Guthrie: “As has been reported in Fox News and President Trump’s Tweets, and even in MSNBC, there is a caravan of migrants moving north from Honduras, making way for the American southern border. Along with the President, Americans are highly concerned about this development. For the full story, let’s go to Natalie Morales reporting from rural Nebraska. How are things in Nebraska, Natalie?”

Morales (standing with microphone in front of crowd of a few dozen, many wearing Nebraska football tee shirts and hats): “A bit nervous, I’d say. I’m here in the Village of Hamilton, an hour or so from Omaha, with a group of concerned citizens (walking up to a middle aged woman in the front). Ma’am, what’s your name?”

Woman: “June, June Thompkins, from right here in Hamilton.”

Morales: “June, have you heard the news about the caravan and what do you think about it?”

June: “Yeah, my husband, Frank, and I watched it on Lou Dobbs last night. We’re terrified.”

Morales: “Why?”

June: “Because they’re headed this way is why.”

Morales: “June, do you know that the caravan consists of 1,000 people.”

June: “1,000! OH MY GOD!!!!!! (turning to the crowd) Come on, everyone, we don’t have much time!”

Morales: “June, they’re walking from Honduras, moving at a rate of 2-5 miles per day.”

June: “HEAVENS TO BETSY!!!! How can we protect ourselves?”

Morales: “Most of the caravan are women and children.”

June: “GEEZ LOUISE! They’re coming to reproduce here. They’re gonna take over! Like roaches!”

Morales: “What do you think America should do?”


Morales: “The wall will take time, and Congress may not fund it.”

June: “Then drain the swamp, like Lou Dobbs says. This is a national emergency. SEND IN THE MARINES! Now if you’ll excuse me, me and my family need to skedaddle. ”

Morales: “Where will you go?”

June: “As far north as we can, maybe my cousin’s in Idaho. I don’t think they can survive in the cold.”

Morales: “Thanks for your time, June, and good luck with the move. Now, it’s back to Savannah in the studio.”

Guthrie: “Thanks, Natalie, for some excellent reporting. In other news, the Russians just tested a new intercontinental ballistic missile capable of carrying 15 warheads to anywhere on the globe. It’s called ‘Satan 2’. After the break, are Brad and Jen getting together again? We’ll have a special report.”