Satirical Press International: Kate Kelley, the co-anchor of The American Selfie, opens the show from SNN Studios in New York.

Kelley: “Good morning from New York. I’m Kate Kelley, bringing you the news and views of America for all the world. Today, we feature one of the most significant cultural controversies in America, not counting baking wedding cakes for gay marriages: the Starbucks holiday cup. Yesterday, pictures of the 2017 holiday cup leaked to on line media (shows photo, above), allegedly from an employee.”

Kelley: “Before the official roll out of the cup has been officially announced, outrage and praise are building over these festive cups. For reactions to this, let’s go to Faye Watson and Mia Cooney on location in Boulder, Colorado. Faye, what kind of reaction are you getting out there?”

Watson: “I’m here with a group of University of Colorado students, and I’ve just shown them the leaked photos of the holiday cups. (turning to a twenty something young man with a Colorado hoodies and a pony tail). Who are you and whatdya think of this design?”

Young Man: “My name is Wyatt, and I’m, like, in my sixth year at CU–Go Buffs, dude.”

Watson: “Sixth year? You must really like it.”

Wyatt: “The snowboarding is, like, super dank, and I’m totally stoked about legal recreational pot, bro.”

Watson: “That’s nice, Wyatt. What do you think of Starbucks?”

Wyatt: “The iced cappuccino soy latte is super sweet. I just had a Venti.”

Watson: “Lots of caffeine in those. What about the holiday cup controversy?”

Wyatt: “I’m cool with it, Faye, as long as they, like, offer a holiday cup for every religion.”

Watson: (turning to a young woman with a triple nose piercing and an AC/DC tee shirt) “What about you?”

Young Woman: “Hi, I’m Nicole in my second year at CU, and I’m a Comparative Religion major.”

Watson: “What do you think of the cups?”

Nicole: “Awful, Faye. I’m totally offended by them.”

Watson: “Why?”

Nicole: “Because they’re obviously all about Christmas–they discriminate against non-Christians.”

Watson: “Does it matter that the overwhelming majority of Starbucks customers in the U.S. celebrate Christmas?”

Nicole: “It clearly violates the separation of Church and State. We think the government should not allow Starbucks to use these, and we’re organizing a boycott in Boulder.”

Watson: “There you have one point of view. Thank you, Nicole, thanks, Wyatt. Happy Halloween.”

Wyatt: “Trick or treat, bro.”

Nicole: “Happy Holidays, Faye.”

Watson: “For another point of view, let’s go to Mia.”

Cooney: “I’m here at the mall outside Boulder with a couple from Ft. Collins, Ted and Lacie Simpson. Good morning.”

The Simpsons: “Good morning, America.”

Cooney: “Ted, what do you think of the new Starbucks holiday cups?”

Ted: “They’re really offensive. Lacie and I are Christians, and these cups make a mockery of our holiest holiday?”

Cooney: “How so?”

Lacie: “They should mention Christmas and maybe have a nativity scene”

Ted: “Yeah, this is just more political correctness, like forcing girls into the boys bathroom.”

Cooney: “Thanks, Ted and Lacie, for your views.”

The Simpsons: “Merry Christmas to you, Mia, and Merry Christmas, America.”

Background for Non-American Readers