Fox News Poll: 56% of Americans Believe Trump Is Divisive

Source: CNN

Satirical Press International: In the New York Studios of The American Selfie, the hit new SNN show about American politics and culture, anchors Faye Watson and Mia Cooney open the show behind a curved table surrounded by photos of Americans taking selfies.

Watson: “Good morning, America.”

Cooney: “That’s another network, Faye.”

Watson: “Just checkin’ to see if you’re paying attention, Mia. We’re here at The American Selfie in our Manhattan studios on Sixth Avenue. What’s up for today, Mia?”

Cooney: “While Texas tries to recover from Hurricane Harvey, there is a new storm brewing.”

Watson: “Hurricane Irma?”

Cooney: “Yes, but that’s not what I was alluding to.”

Watson: “Mia, don’t you know it’s bad grammar to use a preposition to end a sentence with?”

Cooney: “You kill me, Faye. No, the storm to which I am alluding (which sounds bad, by the way) is President Trump’s Friday night pardon of Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona.”

Watson: “Sheriff Joe is the darling of the anti-immigrant part of our country. He was even arrested for defying a court order to follow the Constitution.”

Cooney: “What did he do?”

Watson: “His department was targeting Latinos for traffic stops for no reason, then checking their immigration status.”

Cooney: “Gotcha. So when President Trump pardoned him, it raised some eyebrows?”

Watson: “Groucho Marx eyebrows, Mia. Yes, it was really controversial. For more on this, let’s go to Kate Kelley with President Trump in the White House.”

Kelley: Good morning, President Trump, thanks for talking to The American Selfie.”

Trump: “As long as you aren’t Fake News, I’m happy to talk to you.”

Kelley: “Mr. President, some say that your pardon of Sheriff Joe showed disrespect to the Latino community and even The Constitution.”

Trump: “Fake News, Kate, Fake News. Sheriff Joe is not against Latinos, just illegal immigrants. As for the Constitution, show me one place where it says a Sheriff can’t stop automobiles for any reason he deems right.”

Kelley: “It’s true that The Constitution doesn’t explicitly say—-”

Trump: “Damn right, Kate, that I can tell you. Furthermore, the people wanted it. I’ve done more in eight months to unite the country than any President in history, believe me.”

Kelley: “With all due respect, Mr. President, a Fox News poll just released finds that 56% of Americans find you divisive. What do you say about those 56%?”

Trump: “They’re losers.”