Satirical Press International (SPI): The set of CNN’s Situation Room is abuzz the day after beautiful Melania Trump’s stirring speech at the Republican National Convention. Wolf Blitzer comes on the air with sensational breaking news:

Blitzer: “From the Situation Room, this is Wolf Blitzer with breaking news about the Melania Trump speech last night at the Republican Convention in Cleveland. According to the New York Times, several passages from Mrs. Trump’s speech were nearly identical to the speech given by Michelle Obama at the 2008 Democratic National Convention. To dig deeper into this, we have a speechwriter from the Trump Campaign. Good afternoon, sir.”

Speech Writer (whose image is intentionally blurred and voice mechanically altered): “Good afternoon, Wolf.”

Blitzer: “We are keeping your identify confidential for your safety and benefit, but for purposes of this interview, can I call you Bobby?”

Speech Writer: “I’ve always wanted to be called Wayne.”

Blitzer: “Okay, Wayne. People say your speech for Mrs. Trump was basically a cut and paste job from Mrs. Obama’s speech in 2008. What do you say to this?”

Wayne: “Mrs. Obama stole her speech from the Trumps.”

Blitzer: “But her speech was 8 years before Mrs. Trump’s. How is that possible?”

Wayne: “The Clintons attended the Trump wedding to Melania, where Mr. Trump outlined his ideas for America in a toast to the bride. They must have recorded it and given it to the Obamas.”

Blitzer: “Most Americans would find that hard to believe. Isn’t there another explanation, Wayne?”

Wayne: “Mrs. Trump didn’t copy anyone, but spoke about truths to be self-evident, among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Blitzer: “You just plagiarized the Declaration of Independence.”

Wayne: “No wonder it sounded so familiar.”

Blitzer: “Wayne, the language of the speeches is nearly identical in parts. What really happened?”

Wayne: “Umm.”

Blitzer: “Wayne, just say it. The American people have a right to know.”

Wayne: “I was rusty, okay? I’ve been Mr. Trump’s speechwriter for what, six months now? He’s ignored every speech I’ve written and instead goes on about building a wall and banning Muslims from entering America until we can figure out what’s going on. What serious candidate says ‘until we can figure out what’s going on’? It’s embarrassing to me for my friends to think I wrote that stuff.”

Blitzer: “This is incredible news. So you’re saying that Mr. Trump ignored your speeches?”

Wayne: “It’s like being the beer supplier to the Mormon Church, okay? So I just quit writing them.”

Blitzer: “Are you saying that Mrs. Trump winged it with her speech too?”

Wayne: “No, her speech was too good. I wasn’t expecting to have to write anything for her so me and some buddies had some fun in Cleveland. You know, an Indians game, the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame, a downtown pub crawl. After about 3 hours of sleep and several Advil, I found out she needed a speech, and I only had, like, an hour, so I went to work on the internet. It was pretty efficient, though I got distracted looking up old girl friends on Facebook.”

Blitzer: “Did you cut and paste the Melania Trump speech?”

Wayne: “Not all of it. Hey, haven’t you ever faced a deadline?”

If you like this kind of satire, you’ll love Buzz Kill, William Goodspeed’s zany novel about political correctness in corporate America. Check out the reviews here.

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