Satirical Press International (SPI): Former President Bill Clinton shocked the world this week when he met privately with U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch in a plane on the tarmac of Phoenix Airport. The meeting took everyone by surprise, including leading Democrats, because Clinton’s wife, Hillary, is under criminal investigation by the FBI for her email controversy. Republicans prepared to pounce on the appearance of impropriety.
Always on top of political developments, Satirical Press International’s stunning political reporter, Sophie Garibaldi, interviewed the former president shortly after the meeting.
Garibaldi: “Mr. President, did you and the Attorney General discuss the FBI investigation of your wife?”
Clinton: “Absolutely not. At the beginning of our meeting, we agreed that an indictment of Hillary would devastate the Democratic Party, so this was off limits.”
Garibaldi: “You said that?”
Clinton: “Just to be above board.”
Garibaldi: “Did the fact that she’s the Attorney General and investigating your wife have anything to do with the meeting?”
Clinton: “It was a pure coincidence. I’m sitting in my jet on the tarmac, sipping on an espresso, and I look out and see Loretta’s jet. So I called her up and said ‘your plane or mine?’”
Garibaldi: “Did you ever consider that the meeting would appear improper?”
Clinton: “Not at all, Sophie. Hillary knows I often meet with women alone, and it was daytime, a mitigating circumstance. She’s unusually understanding about these things.”
Garibaldi: “No, I mean would it appear like you were trying to influence the investigation against your wife?”
Clinton: “The fact that Loretta Lynch is the boss of the organization investigating Hillary is irrelevant.”
Garibaldi: “What did you talk about?”
Clinton: “What do people discuss in private jets? —golf, her favorite French Bordeaux, hedge fund performances and the like.”
“Nothing related to your wife?” asked Garibaldi, whose dark wavy hair, brown almond-shaped eyes and athletic build seemed to captivate the former president.
“Not a thing—it was just a quickie.”
Garibaldi: “A quickie?”
Garibaldi: “And you didn’t discuss anything else?”
Clinton: “Well, we talked about the economic stagnation of the middle class in America and the soaring wealth of the top tenth of 1%, a really sad story.”
Garibaldi: “Did you reach any conclusions?”
Clinton: “No, because we started talking about our jets. Hers has a better catering service—the shrimp cocktail was beyond belief by the way. And her jet has a much longer range than mine. She can fly directly to the French Riviera without refueling. I’m seriously considering an upgrade—just a few speeches and I can afford it.”
Garibaldi: “What do you think Donald Trump will say about this?”
Clinton (shaking his finger): “I do not like that man; I do not like that man at all.”
Garibaldi: “Didn’t you and Hillary go to his wedding?”
Clinton: “It was his third wedding, so no biggie.”
Garibaldi: “What do you think he’ll say about your private meeting?”
Clinton: “The same things, I’m sure—that his plane is bigger.”
For more about the beautiful and intelligent Sophie Garibaldi, check out Buzz Kill at Amazon.com.
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