Source: South China Evening Post

Satirical Press International: CNN’s Kasie Hunt opens her show, Kasie D.C., with Breaking News.

Hunt: “Good afternoon, I’m Kasie Hunt, with breaking news from China. In the wake of President Xi becoming exempt from term limits, the first such leader since Chairman Mao, Chinese censors have banned Winnie the Pooh from China because satirists have likened him to President Xi. To discuss this development, I’m here in our D.C. studios with an expert panel: Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Tigger and Eeyore (camera shows the characters seated at a semi circular table to Kasie’s left).

Hunt: “Good afternoon. Winnie, can you comment on being banned in China?”

Pooh: “Please call me Pooh Bear (giggles).”

Hunt: “My pleasure, Pooh Bear. What do you think of this?”

Pooh (pointing to his head): “Think, think, think.”

Hunt: “Is there anything in there?”

PoohAs you know, I’m a bear of very little brain.”

Hunt: “Just give it your best shot.”

Pooh: “Say, you wouldn’t by any chance have any honey?”

Hunt: “No, but we’ve got Splenda and Truvia.”

Pooh (grabbing Truvia packets): “Don’t mind if I do.”

Hunt: “While you enjoy your sweeteners, let’s go to someone else. Good afternoon, Eeyore.”

Eeyore: “Good afternoon, Kasie, if it is a good afternoon, which I doubt.”

Hunt: “What do you think of China banning Pooh Bear?”

Eeyore: “Cut off from 1.4 billion people. Oh well, I knew our run was too good to be true.”

Hunt: “Is there anything you can do about it? Piglet?”

Piglet: “Have about giving President X-X-X-Xi a b-b-b-big red b-b-b-b-balloon?”

Pooh (emptying another pack of Truvia into his mouth): “Yum, yum, yum.”

Hunt: “Do you think Piglet’s idea would work, Pooh?”

Pooh: “What idea?”

Hunt: “To give President Xi a balloon.”

Pooh: “Oh yes, now I remember.”

Hunt: “Do you think it’s a good idea?”

Pooh:  “No one could be uncheered by a balloon.”

Eeyore: “Except for me.”

Piglet: “What if we also send Tigger?”

Pooh: “I’ve got it! He could bounce President Xi!”

Tigger: “That’s what Tigger’s do best. T-I-double Guh–ehr, that spells Tigger…..”

Hunt: “Do you worry at all about the Chinese desire to eat Tiger male organs as an aphrodisiac?”

Pooh: (giggles)

Eeyore: “No one ever uses donkeys for aphrodisiacs.”

Tigger: “Oh boy, aphrodisiacs, sounds important. Where do they get the tigers?”

Hunt: “Let’s go to a commercial break while I explain this to our panel.”

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