Bloggers around the country watched Thursday’s Republican debate, eagerly awaiting a fresh round of name-calling and private part bragging to fuel their increasingly popular writings. They were shocked and disappointed by a surprising outbreak of civility and even some brief discussion of important issues.

“I had it all teed up,” whined a blogger from Ann Arbor, “A picture of Ted Cruz with white stuff coming out of his mouth and a headline about Rabid Republicans. Suddenly, Governor Kasich says something about how we can reduce emissions and grow the economy, and I knew I was toast. ”

This sudden change in temperature has thrown the political blogging industry into financial turmoil. Philip Beard, a novelist and President of the National Political Bloggers of America (NPBA), explained the situation to CNBC’s business commentator and ‘Money Honey’ Maria Bartiromo: “It was like the stock market implosion of 2008. One moment, our bloggers were buying new Mercedes and chartering private jets to watch Trump rallies, and then literally overnight, it’s gone bust.”

“How serious is this bust?” Ms. Bartiromo asked.

“Let’s just say that there’s a slew of luxury cars suddenly showing up at job fairs,” Mr. Beard explained. “I even saw a new Tesla at an unemployment office in Pittsburgh.”

“Do you think this will have repercussions in the overall economy?” Ms. Bartiromo asked.

“Well,” Mr. Beard answered, “Let’s just say I’m expecting price collapses in the markets for yachts, champagne and spicy tuna rolls. We’re at the beginning of an economic tsunami.”

“Didn’t these bloggers keep any financial cushion, a rainy day fund of sorts?” Bartiromo asked.

“I think they’ve been buffaloed by candidate promises to fix social security and provide free health care. Can you blame them for not saving?” Beard responded.

“Do you have any examples of the heart-wrenching, human cost of this bust?” Bartiromo asked.

“Let me give you one example, albeit an extreme one. There’s a blogger in Falmouth, Maine, who put everything on Republicans ridiculing each other and exposing their—um—you know. It’s his whole brand.”

“And what’s happened to him?”

“A total wipeout, Maria. The poor guy had to sell his Lexus and go back to work at the car wash.”

 

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