Satirical Press International (SPI)—-According to a spokesperson for Caitlin Jenner, the transgender celebrity was overwhelmed by Donald Trump’s kind show of support during a Today Show interview this week.
“Caitlin is a devout fan of The Today Show,” said the spokesperson. “Al Roker in particular. She tuned in the other morning to watch a hard-hitting report on how to make gluten-free whoopee pies and continued for the Trump interview. Caitlin was surprised and overjoyed by Mr. Trump’s invitation for her to use any bathroom she wants in Trump Tower. She plans to fly to Manhattan this week to accept the offer.”
Upon hearing the news of Ms. Jenner’s flight, Mr. Trump said, “We’ll be ready for her touchdown.”
Trump’s invitation may have delighted Ms. Jenner, but it created a backlash from traditional conservatives. Senator Ted Cruz immediately made denial of LGBT bathroom access a touchstone for his campaign, saying it had to be done “to protect my two young daughters.” At the state level, North Carolina and Mississippi passed laws to limit bathroom usage to a person’s born gender.
In North Carolina, enforcement of the new law has created a host of unforeseen problems, however. A woman named Denise was denied access to the ladies’ room in a small town outside Raleigh: “I have very short hair, never use make up and wear a leather bomber jacket, so this big dude guarding the women’s room said I couldn’t enter without proof of my birth gender. Look, I don’t happen to carry my birth certificate with me, do you? and to be honest, I had to go really bad.”
Asked how she resolved the issue, she said, “I had no choice but go to the men’s room. What a pit! No wonder so many want to use the ladies’ room.”
In Mississippi, a transgender woman in her twenties from Oxford named Marla was asked why she wanted to use the women’s room. “Because I’ve been a woman for several years and get a lot of super creepy looks in the men’s room,” she said. “Try, like, putting on lipstick in that setting.”
The SPI reporter mentioned that Senator Cruz said people like Marla wanted access to women’s rooms to be with girls like his two daughters. “Is that your motivation?” the reporter asked.
“It never crossed my mind, but on the other hand, if there’s a chance Senator Cruz would be in the men’s room, I wouldn’t go in there in a million years.”
For other news, like stagnating middle class wages for 30 years, America’s staggering debt and growing tax inequality, consult the BBC or our website.
If you like this kind of satire, you’ll love Buzz Kill, William Goodspeed’s zany novel about political correctness in corporate America. Check out the reviews here.
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