Satirical Press International: In the White House Press Room, reporters gather for a much anticipated news conference from President Trump himself, the first of 2018. While they wait for the President, reporters brush snow off their shoes and coats and generally complain about the Arctic chill brought by the ‘Bomb Cyclone’ ravaging the East Coast. Sean Hannity of Fox News jokes with NBC’s Lester Holt: “I think the liberal media is a bit off about global warming, Lester!”

Chatting comes to a halt as President Trump enters the room and takes the podium.

Trump: “Good morning and Happy New Year. 2018 is going to be a great year, maybe the best year ever–not that 2017 wasn’t a very strong year, very strong. We got more done than any Presidency ever, trust me on that. First question (pointing to Sean Hannity of Fox). Sean?”

Hannity: “Congratulations on a fabulous 2017, Mr. President.”

Trump: “Thanks, Sean. Maybe you can teach something to the liberal Fake News out there.”

Hannity: “Mr. President, what do you see as your greatest achievements of 2017?”

Trump: “Good question, Sean, excellent question. We got more done than anyone, ever. It’s hard to pick the greatest. We got Justice Gorsuch on the Supreme Court, but more importantly, we created more than 2 million jobs, good jobs, great jobs, jobs that would have gone to Mexico. We passed the biggest tax cut ever, not just for the United States but for any country in human history, believe me. The Stock market passed 25,000 this week, its all time high. Everyone I talk to is optimistic about our economy. Those who say it’s due to President Obama are a misnomer.”

Hannity: “Can I ask a follow on question, Mr. President?”

Trump: “I think we have time for that and maybe one or two other questions.”

Hannity: “Are there any other accomplishments you’re proud of?”

Trump: “You might have heard that we had zero commercial aviation deaths in 2017. You probably don’t know that I spend a lot of my attention on aviation, and it shows. Under President Obama, there were many accidents, many, that I can tell you.”

Hannity: “Congratulations, Mr. President. That’s good news. What do you make of this blizzard and frigid storm that hit the East Coast this week?”

Trump: “I’m glad you mentioned that, Sean. Many of the Democrats and liberal media talk about global warming hurting the U.S. Take a look around. Do you see global warming? Temperatures are 20-30 degrees below normal for this time of year. That didn’t happen under President Obama. No, I have focused on border security–what’s a country without a strong border—and stopped global warming before it reaches us. It was just a matter of getting tough, believe me. Okay, I think we have time for one last question (pointing to NBC’s Lester Holt). Lester?”

Holt: “Mr. President, about the blizzard and global warming. Are you aware that even though the U.S. is experiencing frigid cold, the rest of the world is having temperatures far above normal?”

Trump: “Everyone tells me that, Lester.”

Holt: “Well, isn’t a sign that global warming is still a problem?”

Trump: “Global warming may be an issue for the rest of the world, but we’ve gotten tough at our borders and licked it.”

All (hands up): “Mr. President! Mr. President!”

Trump (leaving podium): “Thank you. Thank you.”