Satirical Press International (SPI)—In a nationwide referendum, the people of the United Kingdom voted to leave the European Union, shocking the world. To understand how Americans view this monumental change, Satirical Press International sent its reporter, David Snidely, to the Santa Monica Pier to interview young beach goers. Snidely approaches four young people in their 20s, three girls with trim figures in bikinis, and a young man with a bathing suit below his knees and a baseball hat on backwards.

Snidely (to the group): “Hi, I’m David Snidely from SPI and was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about the British situation?”

First girl, a stunning blonde (giggling): “Okay.”

Boy: “Cool, bro.”

Snidely (to the first girl): “Were you surprised about the British independence vote?”

Girl: “I’m, like, totally shocked. Didn’t we, like, go independent from Britain about 150 years ago after the Gettysburg Address?”

Second Girl, a beautiful brunette wearing aviator glasses: “Oh yeah, I remember that from junior year in high school—go Bears!”

Snidely: “The Gettysburg Address?”

Second Girl: “Yeah, like. ‘Four score and some years ago,
Our fathers, suffering from incontinence,
Started a new nation,
Conceived with liberties
And justice for all.’”

Snidely: “That’s impressive.”

Second Girl: “Thanks. I had to memorize it for, like, my history class. As an American, it really gets me every time I hear it.”

Snidely: “It got me too, to be honest.”

Snidely (to the third girl): “What do you think about the British separation?”

Third Girl, a blonde with visibly tight abdominal muscles: “I’m not surprised really—because of the tea issue.”

Snidely: “What tea issue?”

Third Girl: “You know, throwing the tea in New York Harbor.”

Snidely: “But that was more than—-“

Third Girl: “Americans shouldn’t drink English tea anymore—it’s not healthy, especially with milk and sugar. We should all drink green tea. It’s full of antioxidants and is gluten free.”

Snidely: “That’s interesting.”

Third Girl: “I’m kind of a health nut. Are you wearing sunscreen, Mr. Snidely? I’ve got some organic sunscreen tucked in the back of my bathing suit…”

Snidely: “No, that’s okay, thanks.”

Third Girl: “So if we all switch to green tea, we don’t need the British. Oh, and we shouldn’t drink pasteurized cow milk anyway.”

Snidely (to the young man): “Do you agree with your friends here?”

Boy: “Yeah, bro, I’m, like, totally stoked about soy milk.”

Snidely: “And about the British vote?”

Boy: “Totally. After watching Downton Abbey with my girlfriend, I’m, like, you dudes need to chill.”

If you like this kind of satire, you’ll love Buzz Kill, William Goodspeed’s zany novel about political correctness in corporate America. Check out the reviews here.